Finals week just so happens to be my last week before departing to Haiti for three months. I'm not so sure how smart this planning was on my part, but I'm trusting that it'll all be okay. I will be staying at and working for an organization in Port Au Prince, Haiti called Haiti Communitere and engaging in a lot of different kinds of work. I expect to be working with different orphanages that Haiti Communitere supports and is involved with, and also go back to New Life Children's Home, where I've always gone on my previous trips to Haiti. I spoke with the director a couple weeks ago and he talked about me potentially being able to work in a Tuberculosis Clinic for which I am excited, but also nervous about at the same time. My time in Haiti has revolved around the same kind of routine- I've gone down with a group from Florida State, we stay at New Life Children's Home, go out into the city and visit other orphanages, do service projects around New Life, as well as play with all the kids. These experiences have been beautiful and shaped me in so many ways, but I'm excited for new experiences to challenge me and encourage me to grow.
I don't have a specific title with Haiti Communitere at the moment, and I can't decide if I prefer that or if I'd rather a set job with set expectations. I've decided that the latter will inhibit me from learning and growing to the depths of my capability, regardless of my desire to know exactly what's going to happen every day I'm there. I fear the unknown. I also fear being useless and unwanted while I'm there. My specific skill set is very relational and interpersonal, while also very practical. I need to feel useful, but I also desire the closeness of relationships and discovering new depths about others and myself. I worry that this won't be recognized by my host organization, but I'm also aware in acknowledging these worries that I am limiting myself and my potential experience with so much fear. I can feel so deeply that this summer is going to be one of the most challenging experiences I've ever engaged in, but also one of the most beautiful.
Preparation for this trip has been relatively stressful, mainly because my trip is so long and there were minor miscommunications about budgeting that threw off planning for my trip a good bit. The biggest struggle in planning for this trip has been making sure I have enough money, and being financially responsible while I'm there. I'm also preparing emotionally to the best of my ability because I'm trying to prepare going on this trip alone. I'm venturing to an organization I've never been to before, working with people I've never met, and going for the first time without anyone by my side. As scary as these things feel to me, this is going to result in so much growth; I don't even think I'm fully aware of it.
I can't begin to express my gratitude and excitement for getting to be a part of The Global Scholars Program. I feel so privileged to get to serve this summer and explore more about myself, but also have such a wonderful group of people to share my thoughts and feelings with throughout this process.
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