Observing the Oasis

New Life is a paradise in the extreme depravity of Port au Prince. It's one of the most beautiful places and it's satisfying to return to after long days like the one I had yesterday. New Life supports a number of different orphanages in Port au Prince, and occasionally there will be a need that's presented by one or some of them and New Life responds accordingly. Yesterday a group of us from New Life went out and did feedings at three orphanages. This consisted of us making lunch for them while we were there, while we also provided rice, beans, and spaghetti pasta for the orphanage. It felt good to know we were providing and meeting needs, but I couldn't help but be broken by the amount of depravity I was witnessing. While none of it was anything new to me, it stings every time I see children suffering and it pains me to feel all I was doing and could do in the moment was provide a meal. The love and attention shown towards the children was deeply embraced, but left too quickly for them, I know. I struggle with this feeling that I'm not doing enough- that we all aren't doing enough. The odds are against the people here, especially among the children orphaned after the earthquake. There is so much loss, and much stagnance- at least that's how it feels in my most cynical and doubtful of days.

This girl in my lap sat with me the entire time we were at this orphanage. We gave the children all a peanut butter sandwich, some chips, and a Tampico juice. She sat in my lap and insisted that I share everything with her. When I told her, "Ou mange, mwen ne faim" which means "You eat because I'm not hungry" in English, she would still insist. It's fascinating and humbling to experience such selflessness among children who literally have NOTHING. It's inspiring and makes me want to be better.

We took a tap-tap from New Life which is the equivalent of an American taxi system. Some look different, but many are simply an old Toyota truck with an open bed in the back which they've covered with a decorated piece of tin. Haitians are very resourceful humans. When we drive around the city, I like to sit in silence and observe all the people, take in all the different smells, listen to every sound, and reflect. The roads are so incredibly bumpy, but there's something soothing about how rough around the edges Haiti is. It would be and is very easy to become so discouraged here. So many people come and go. Volunteers give up because it's so easy to. This city of Port au Prince is waiting for something, but I don't even think they know what they're waiting for. Nor do I.

Coming back to New Life is refreshing and beautiful. There is hope here and I love that. There are so many different groups and teams from all over the country that come here and work in New Life or with its partners, so I've gotten to know many people and their hearts. There are currently three women here who are all adopting children, so I've gotten to understand more of the adoption process and the many set backs experienced while being in a country like Haiti that makes adoption so incredibly difficult. I've gotten to spend time with the children here and enjoyed the qualitative nature of it. They teach me Kreyol, I teach them English. Sometimes we just sit and I let them soak in the one on one attention that they don't get nearly enough of. I'm thankful for my long stay, but dreading my departure because I have picked up on the abandonment they feel as teams of people come and go. The children latch on to individuals who are here for one to two weeks at a time, and then leave- some return, some do not. These children know far too well what it feels like to be abandoned, but to feel it over and over again is almost cruel. And I've observed that some of them protect themselves from feeling this way by becoming defensive or hard to get to know. Though this is the case for some, I am again inspired and in awe of the way that some of them still love relentlessly, as we all should. The resiliency of these children is amazing and note worthy. I am growing every day in empathy and understanding.