The 7 days of fear

7 days of fear.

Each morning I wake up a day closer to being in Ghana, and with each sunrise, I wake up with a new fear of what is to come.

Yesterday,  I woke up with the fear of “getting there” (I had a nightmare I missed my plane by exactly 21 minutes.) Anyone who knows me, knows that navigating through the airport has been my greatest fear for weeks being that I have never traveled by plane alone.

The night before this was a different fear. The fear of trading in my comfortable lifestyle for a room with only a mattress, contaminated water and the risk of catching malaria had taken a toll on me for a full 24hrs, only to be replaced by my darkest fear of all time, the fear of being inadequate.

This morning, I wake up with my biggest fear since I’ve began this journey , a feeling of insecurity. As I continue to prepare for my internship in Ghana this summer, I began to feel insecure when thinking about the level of responsibility that I will be taking on in order to provide the necessities needed to help improve my agency and the many other agencies that I will be working with over the course of the next two months. This feeling of insecurity for me is a big deal because service is something that I absolutely love and it frightens me to wonder if i will be able to perform at the highest level of degree according to my agencies wishes. This fear is of course the same with any love that one has for something, may it be a sport or a talent, we always want to perform at our ultimate best. Although it does help that I am confident in my ability to serve, I am sure that serving in a new environment with less resources and a greater demand for assistance will make my project a little or rather a lot trickier than what I am use to when serving back in the states. As I continue to think about how serving at the Social Welfare department in Cape Coast will be different from my experience serving at the Renaissance Community Center, I also become excited knowing that I will most likely find ways in which I will be able to incorporate some of the skills I have developed while working at the RCC into my new field placement. This in return, settles some of the insecurity that I have about serving my agency.

While thinking about these things, I realize that there is not much reason for me to feel insecure although it is normal,  only because this experience is something that I now see I have been training for, for years and it is at this moment that I am reminded that those things that I have done in my lifetime which I could not form an explanation for prior, such as  taking on roles, diving into experiences and registering for classes totally unrelated to my major, were put into place to prepare me for unforeseen future endeavors. Looking back, it is easy to see that the things that I have been involved in, were of no coincidence, but in fact trial runs to prepare me for what will await me in Ghana, and other adventures to come.

Today, I look out my window at a beautiful view of Germany while typing, and I realize that the feeling of insecurity that I felt earlier this morning was not due to fear, but more because i am anxious. As anyone can imagine, I am anxious to get started, I am ready to see what awaits me, and I am ready to enter into the next phase of the Heroic Journey. As I get ready to report to my “line of duty”, neatly suited up in my armor ready to conquer the world of the unknown, I look around at all of those who have come to fight with me. Standing in formation behind me are my line my resources which will serve as my greatest form of weaponry this summer. I am so grateful to know that I will have some of them who be on the battlefield fighting with me, ( a wonderful support team of Proworld staff in Ghana), and others who are on standby( an amazing team of family, friends and FSU staff back in the U.S who have been an incredible assistance to me since day one.) Thank you all! This only leaves me to question, with a great team like the one  that I have and much prayer, what shall I fear?

In conclusion, I promise to exhaust every single one of my resources should I need them, so everyone please be ready! With that being said, Lets get this show on the road already, it is time to serve!

One more thing, here is the link to the Social Welfare Department in Cape Coast, www.dswcapecoast.com here you will fing what the organization is in charge of which will give you a better understanding of what I will be doing this summer in Ghana, so please take a look. Also, while I will have the pleasure of being apart of  the many tasks that the department oversees during my stay, two categories that I will work most in are Community Care, and Child Protection and Promotion....Exciting isn’t it?! Can’t wait!

Be back soon,

LaShae!